sunday morning with an espresso and a spliff

Ive fallen into a very friendly morning routine recently. I wake up somewhere between 8 and 8:30, roll out of bed and run to the espresso machine. Typically I will drink two of these before I leave for my day, but I always start with just one, turning my machine on and sitting down in front of my rolling tray. The question every morning always is to have a spliff or to not, and the answer almost certainly is always yes. I roll my 50/50 spliff, finish pulling my espresso and make my way to my tiny little balcony to enjoy my morning labor. This post is currently happening right after all that, just finished my spliff, im pretty fucking high right now, my mouth is fucking dry, and the bitter taste of my poorly pulled espresso is lingering. JUST ANOTHER FUCKIN MORNIN. I guess this is a morning of reflection for me. These past few weeks ive been waking up with the same thing on my mind; something i was explicitly told not to do, something I did anyway, something were still trying to figure out. Slight digression here, my birthday was last week... The past year has been, for lack of a better word, adventitious. I guess not for lack of a better word, that is probably the most apt word I could pick for it. Things have been happening to me, not from me, and honestly, its quite nice, or should I say, quite fun. 2025 was a ferris wheel, 2026 was and is more akin to a large, scary fucking rollercoaster, and now the looming 2027 will be probably much fucking more insane than that. All this relating to my morning thoughts somehow I guess. I.... am seemly a deranged lunatic. I think that..... I think that things are progressing in a way that I like... somewhat. I've said that I would be okay with whatever happens here, but im still trying to figure out if im just lying to myself, or to you, or to both :| This morning we are leaning toward the morally correct answer of neither. I think despite what will happen, what you will say when it happens, the both of us will look back on this time with nostalgia and bliss. That is probably certain. The actual outcome? completely unknown to me. Will we explore? Will it be goodbye? for now? or forever? AHAHA god i cant wait to fucking find out. yeah im feeling certain this morning, im not leaning anymore, im certain. Whatever happens, I will enjoy it.